Tuesday, January 02, 2007

(UK) Telegraph: Iranians tell Ahmadinejokes

How many Ahmadinejads does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. One to screw in the bulb and the other to proclaim that the unity of the Ummah enabled the IRI to overcome the conspiracies of the World Arrogance and bullying powers which sought to deny Iran its inalienable right to incandescent light.
"Osama bin Laden is sent to Hell and sees President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran dancing with Jennifer Lopez.

"'Is this your punishment?' asks Osama. 'No,' the Iranian leader replies, 'it's Jennifer Lopez's punishment.'"

It might not be the most sophisticated example of political satire, but for millions of Iranians, such jokes are proving to be the perfect way to let off steam about their hardline leader. With opponents unable to criticise him too fiercely in the state-censored media, gags about his policies, piety – and, cruelly, his personal grooming – have proliferated instead via text messages and emails.

Most are the work of supporters of Iran's fractured reformist movement, which remains marginalised despite signs of a comeback in a vote for district councils last week. Meanwhile, Mr Ahmadinejad's image as a religious zealot makes an easy target.

Fond of denouncing all things American, and rarely dressing in anything more statesmanlike than a beige anorak, he is portrayed as an ignorant, bigoted bumpkin in jokes swapped among Teheran's educated middle-class.

Some jibes are cutting, such as the tale of how the president finds lice when combing his hair one day. "OK, male lice to the left and females to the right," he says – a reference to his reported attempt to introduce segregated corridors in the city hall during his previous job as mayor of Teheran.

Mr Ahmadinejad has made recent efforts to shed his image as a stern and intolerant Islamist. After being fiercely heckled by reformists during a speech at a student demonstration earlier this month, he surprised his audience by declaring that they should not be arrested or hurt. And the president's personal staff say that the boss likes a joke as much as anyone else.

However, rumour has it that Mr Ahmadinejad took umbrage recently at a joke alleging that he needed to bath more often.

The gag was brought to his attention, not via Iran's formidable secret intelligence services, but in a misdirected text message. In response, he is said to have lodged an official complaint with the judiciary.

According to Rooz Online, a pro-reformist website, a senior official with the country's mobile phone network was sacked and several other people arrested and accused of being foreign spies.

On the international stage, however, Mr Ahmadinejad appears to be having the last laugh over attempts to curb Iran's controversial nuclear programme. A vote last night at the United Nations Security Council in New York approved only a watered-down version of the sanctions regime proposed by America with British and European backing.

Russia, which has extensive business interests in Iran and is also involved with its civilian atomic power programme, objected to a proposed mandatory ban on foreign travel by 12 senior Iranians involved in Teheran's nuclear and missile programmes. The resolution does, however, order all UN member states to ban the supply of specified nuclear-related technology. The lack of robust measures may mean that Washington will consider imposing its own sanctions.

Whatever happens, Mr Ahmadinejad will no doubt be ready with his own one-liner – although his recent witticisms suggest that some of the humour may be lost in translation. Asked if the threat of international sanctions worried him, he joked: "It reminds me of an old story in which a man thought what he was watching from the distance was yoghurt. Then, when he came near, he thought it was the juice of the yoghurt. But eventually he realised it was only water."
That's a real thigh-slapper. (Hat Tip: Iran Focus)

Related: Steve Martin's eulogy for Saddam Hussein.

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