The You-Know-Who News: "Rodong Sinmun Calls for Glorifying Songun Leadership Exploits of WPK"

From the New York Times (Just kidding!):

Rodong Sinmun today editorially calls for stepping up the general march this year true to the Songun revolutionary leadership exploits of the Workers' Party of Korea so as to give full play to the invincible spirit of Korean-style socialism advancing with the might of Songun. It is the precious results of the energetic Songun revolutionary leadership of Kim Jong Il that the ideological unity of the Korean revolutionary ranks around the headquarters of revolution has been remarkably cemented, the Korean People's Army prepared to be an invincible revolutionary army of Mt. Paektu capable of defeating any formidable enemy and a great advance and leaping progress made in the building of a great prosperous powerful nation, the editorial says, and goes on:

Do you think they ever get tired of all that invincibility, advancing might, and leaping progress? Nobody ever just has a beer in these stories.

The greatness and inexhaustible attraction of the Songun revolutionary leadership exploits of the Party can be seen in having raised the independent dignity of the country and the nation up to the highest level, firmly defended the lifeline of socialism and opened a bright future of Juche Korea.

The exploits contain ideological and theoretical, strategic and tactical guidelines and exceptionally rich experience of struggle enough to push forward and accomplish the cause of Korean-style socialism along the road of Juche, the road of Songun opened by President Kim Il Sung.

Let's see, it's the road of Juche and the road of Songun--two roads in one!

It is a basic key and a shortcut to victory of the general march this year to preserve the Songun revolutionary leadership exploits of the Party that overall crystallize valuable guidelines and experience from the principled issues to be firmly maintained in the political, military, economic, cultural and all other fields of socialist construction to the working style and method of officials.

There will be a quiz on this.

Tags: Juche-coups, Songun-victory, North Korea, bright-futures